Beauty in the Breakdown
by x3eloved
Summary: Everyone who was thought to be lost comes back using the key to return hearts. An unexpected danger comes with the great return. Namine has a plan to fix things, but nothing ever seems to go as planned. With time, she hopes she can turn things around.
1. Chapter 1

16 November 2017

* * *

Hello! I'm back!

I gave this story a major overhaul. To be honest, it was rushed when I wrote it. I was never really content with it and couldn't really shake it off, so I'm glad I've made my peace. I'm quite happy with how it turned out. I reworked certain parts over the year, but I pushed through last night and hammered it out. I think it finally embodies the vision I had for this story. It may still be a little confusing, but just send me a message and I can help with that :)

Love you all!

This song served as inspiration for the plot and characters:  
Lecrae - I'll find you ft. Tori Kelly  
youtube/CrNwTSgTe7M


	2. Chapter 2

Collaboration with artist karasunodiary (via tumblr)  
Part of the big-bang challenge kh-worldsconnected (via tumblr)  
Title inspired by the song 'Let Go' by Frou Frou

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts does not belong to me.

* * *

It should have been a time for celebrating; a time to rejoice with friends who were once thought to never be seen again. Indeed, it was a victory, but it came with a price no one expected. Now, instead of making up for lost time, they were worried they were running out.

Outside tall white doors, they paced for almost an hour. Their goal was simple, to figure out a solution, but it seemed almost impossible to find. Inside, their trusted friend watched over him, the problem, the mishap.

She came to them, like she had been there all along, knowing what was on their minds and maybe even what was in their hearts. She came offering a solution that only she herself could carry out. At first it didn't sit right with them, although they had no other choice, to let her fix the boy by herself. Eventually she changed their minds.

[...]x

The door opened a creak and at once the two inside took flight. One ready to flee, one ready to fight. Of course, their trusted friend did not let down. Nothing would go unnoticed, no one would be harmed, and no one could escape without his knowing.

"Riku."

He knew that voice. So many times he wished he could hear it, but now he was wishing she hadn't spoke. He fought the urge to turn around, see her face, speak to her gently, and sit with her like before. But to look meant to put her in danger, and he did not wish to see that.

"Namine, it's not safe here."

She smiled to hear his voice and to see how well he looked. From where she stood she saw only his back, but it brought back many memories. He was always protecting, and by doing so, he was always able to hide. Everything he kept hidden, his face, his pain, his heart. She could tell things were different now, but some things never change.

"Riku, _please,_ trust me."

[...]

He listened to her describe a plan while keeping his eyes on the threat. She brought up how they met, how she offered to seal away his darkness, and how he chose to face it on his own. He tried hard to wrap his head around everything; how it would work, how she would do it, how she would manage alone. He wanted to understand, to believe, to trust her, but part of him wanted so badly to find some flaw in her logic.

"His entire being is made of darkness, Namine."

"It's still worth trying, Riku."

"Namine, you could fix this, without fixing him. Have you ever thought about that?"

"But Riku, don't you think he deserves a chance?"

He had to think about her question. Was this not already it? He hadn't changed one bit and had absolutely no intention to. What would he even do with another? No friends, no family, and aside from his crazy obsession, he had no real purpose… So then, he must have been lonely… Lonely like Namine was...

[...]

"Namine, I'm just glad we could talk. You know where I'll be and how to reach me. Before I leave, I will have to make sure he can't hurt you. After that, everything will be up to you."

Riku took his stance and the other boy followed suit. Each looked powerful in their own right, but the latter looked already worn. A previous struggle must have taken place, which would explain the fatigue of the group outside, and how Riku was able to guard alone.

Simultaneously, they rushed at each other, but with Riku having the upper hand, his opponent went down almost instantly. Riku stood over him, getting a good look at the boy he pitied, and now found he envied.

"If she can't save you," he huffed. "No one can."

He walked away, stopping where the long-missed girl stood. "I guess it's your turn to face the darkness."

They both smiled.

"Oh, and Namine?" He looked back just as he was about to leave. "I do trust you."

[...]

Alone with the enemy, she breathed a little heavier than normal, reminding herself that she was ready for this. Her footsteps were light, being careful not to startle the boy. Fixed on his face, she gazed with wonder as she walked slowly and continued on to kneel by his side.

 _So familiar..._

Her hand rose as she reached for his face, hovering just above his cheek. She stayed like that for a moment before retreating towards his chest.

 _His heart…_

She moved to touch, laying her hand on his chest, letting it rest ever so slightly.

"Vanitas..."

[...]

His eyes shot open as he sprung upwards. Instincts took over as he lunged for the girl, yelling as he pinned her down by the shoulders, "Bitch!"

Giving the room a quick once-over, he realized it was now empty. He smirked before looking back with a look of disgust. "Dumb bitch."

"You can trust me," she stated simply. "I just want to help."

He chuckled at the idea as he eased off from from the girl, letting go of his hold on her shoulders. His laughter rose as he stood, then leaning back, he burst into hysterical laughter.

"You're friends with them!" he shot back. "I overheard everything!" he seethed. "Don't you know?" He knelt down, leaning in so that his smug face was uncomfortably close. "I could crush you."

"I know." Her fear only showed for a brief second, but her eyes seemed to look straight through him. It was almost as if she saw him in a different light, or a different time. "I trust you."

"You're pathetic!" he hissed. "Why should I trust a dumb bitch like you?"

"If you can't be fixed…" Her brows furrowed slightly. "You'll have to be broken." She winced at the thought.

"Broken?" He laughed as if something funny was said, but only acted in anger. "Are you blind?! I'm already broken!"

"Broken enough not to fight?!" She drew back slightly, surprised to hear her voice raised, and it looked like so was he. Silence followed, along with an anxiousness that would not subside. While she thought of what to say next, he thought of the words she had already spoke.

Looking at his hands, his frustration grew. He despised the weak, the incompetent. And yet, in a turn of events, here he was. When he looked back at the girl his eyes had been filled with rage. With his jaw clenched and his hands in fists, it looked like he was about to explode.

"Fuck!" he shouted with a great deal of heaviness. Followed by a series of deep breaths, in and out, with each passing sigh it appeared to release his pent up emotions until there was nothing left. Feeling empty and powerless, he stopped trying. "Just do it then."

The second he said the words, their eyes met, triggering a memory pod to emerge from the ground beneath his feet. It lifted him on its platform as massive petals sprouted from under. Glancing over the odd contraption, he agonized what he'd gotten himself into. Turning back, he saw her running towards him. He stepped toward the edge to approach the girl. Once she was close he reached out, grabbing her suddenly and held her face where she couldn't escape his.

"Let's make things clear, Namine," he said, gripping her harder. "Do what you have to." He sounded annoyed. Closing his eyes and tilting his head back, he breathed deeply before sighing, "Fix me." His eyes narrowed as one side of his mouth crept up. "I will not be broken."

"I won't let you break." Her voice quivered, but she kept her tears from falling. "I promise."

For a moment he looked at her differently, only to shove her away the next. "Promises mean nothing to me." He turned to walk to his place, not once looking back at the girl. Ready for the next step, he shut his eyes as the pod's petals rose around him.

Walking over to her sketchbook, she picked it up, muttering the words, "I thought I told you," she opened it, looking up from its pages, "you can trust me."

The boy stole a glance before the close, but his eyes met hers by chance. Even if she couldn't be trusted, she might actually prove to be useful.

[...]

Namine dived straight into the work. Her will and determination was strong. For hours on end she would diligently draw, sifting through memories of the boy, sealing away the darkness that consumed his heart. There was so much more than she thought she'd find. He suffered more pain than she could have ever imagined.

She remembered her first time seeing him. It was back at the old mansion, working to restore memories of a boy she wronged. She had first come across three friends so similar to the brown-haired boy and his own. Through the keyblade wielder's connection with them, she was able to learn of their torment. There was one more she was surprised to find. His looks so closely resembled that of her very first friend, however his experiences did not. Seeing what he had to endure reminded her all too well of her past. It was the first time she could truly relate to someone, feel for them, and want so much to be able to help.

This would be her chance.

[...]

She spent some time looking at her sketchbook before putting it down. Despite having underestimated the work it would take, she managed to finish sooner than expected. The time and energy she poured into making it possible showed clearly on her face. Feeling tired and weak, she knew some rest would be good, but she was determined to keep on going. To fix the boy.

The petals opened slowly as she made her way to the pod. He looked peaceful in his sleep while suspended in air. If only it would last, even after he woke. She reached up and touched his foot, shaking it gently.

"Vanitas, can you hear me?" She paused to check, but failed to see any kind of response. It was hard not to feel disheartened, but she knew he may still need more time. With a slight turn, her back faced the pod and she placed her hands on its edge. Taking a moment to gather her strength, she lifted herself onto its platform. Once standing, she turned to face the boy.

"Vanitas, come back when you're ready." She took one of his hands and wrapped it in hers. "I'm done now, but you wouldn't mind if I waited here, right?" She lowered herself, curling up beneath his feet and laying her head to rest. When she didn't hear an answer, she snickered to herself quietly before closing her eyes, "I thought so."

[...]

When she woke she was no longer in the same place she had laid down to rest. Carefully, she scanned her surroundings for anything that might help. There was nothing she recognized, only emptiness, although there appeared to be traces of something past.

"Hello?" she called out, hoping for an answer.

Luck was on her side for it didn't take long until she heard the sound of footsteps. It was slow and steady, but definitely approaching as the sound grew louder with time. She looked in every direction, but the sound seemed to come from all places. Frantically, she swirled around and around as it was getting unmistakably close. Spinning one too many times, her balance was thrown off as her vision became a blur. It was then she collided with the mysterious being, sending both of them stumbling to the ground.

Clumsily, she reached around despite being in a daze. If there was only one other being that existed here, she would not let them get away. Feeling a hand, a face, and a body, she immediately wrapped them in a warm embrace. She did not want to be alone.

Once her senses returned, she was shocked to find who she held in her arms.

"Vanitas?"

He looked at her with a blank stare, void of any emotion.

"Vanitas, it's me, Namine."

At the sound of her name, it looked like he heard something familiar. He thought about it for second before his blank expression returned. After the moment passed, he stood and began to start walking.

Too shocked to say or do anything, she watched as he left like nothing happened. The further he distanced himself however, the more she felt he would disappear. She quickly caught up with the boy, matching her pace so she could observe.

As far as she could tell, she no longer existed to him. He was truly in a world of his own, and undoubtedly he was also lost. Everything clicked once she gave it some thought. She knew where she was, where they both were. Still in the pod, it must have closed if she happened to fall asleep. Now they wandered through his memories, or at least, all that was left.

Her chest felt heavy at the realization. By sealing away the darkness in his heart, almost nothing remained of the boy. She was foolish enough to think light could be created from building _trust_ , regardless of how small or recent it might've been. The way he failed to recognize her earlier was proof of her futile attempt. She stood still as she watched him wander, letting him get away. Even if she waited, even if she hoped, she knew he wouldn't be coming back.

Tears streamed and fell from her face as she muffled the sound of her cries. She thought of the boy, the promise she made, and the chance she wanted to give him. All she wanted to do was give him something she was lucky enough to have once received. Remembering why she started this all, she urged herself to see if she could still spot him.

"Vanitas!" she yelled, even though she had already lost sight of him. "I made you a promise!" She huffed.

"I meant what I said!" She heaved. "I won't let you break!" She sprung back up with clenched fists.

"You will not- be- broken!" With every word she gave it her all, and with each exasperated breath she hunched over a little more until her hands borrowed her knees for support. After listening to herself breathe deeply and heavily, only a familiar silence could be heard.

"Did you forget again?" Her sudden laughter broke the depressing silence. "You can trust me..."

It felt stupid at this point; her thinking he could; him not knowing how. The only thing she could do now was find him and show him. A pang hit her deeply when she remembered he was only gone because she let him get away. Her hands began to feel wet so she quickly brought them to her eyes, wiping and wiping away at the source. _This won't help._ Her hands moved faster. _I need to find him._ Her hands used more force, and then suddenly a hand found hers.

Vanitas stood in front of her, gently wiping where she had been too rough. He tried to make sense of it, but the difficulty to do so was evident on his face. After watching him struggle to think of something other than nothing, she couldn't help but smile and laugh a little. To her surprise, his mouth subtly mimicked the upward curve of her own. Once she caught sight of his faint smile, she had seen all she needed to see, and knew what she needed to do.

Shutting her eyes tightly, she concentrated on returning to her body in the pod. She focused on her senses, trying her best to regain and control them. As she started to feel herself coming back, she could also feel herself letting go. The more she felt she had a grasp on her senses, the more she felt she was slipping away. When she could once again feel her head on her arm and her legs curled up; the legs that were once standing, no longer stood. She could feel herself falling and the fear that accompanied it.

Opening her eyes was heavy and difficult, feeling like there was so much weight on them. Awakened and new, from her view it was exactly as she remembered, but she couldn't have felt more different. Above her, the boy slept undisturbed as light poured into the opening pod. Slowly coming to her feet, she reached for Vanitas' hand.

In his eyes, the girl looked to have fallen asleep. Her head fell back, quickly leading the rest of her body to follow. Instinctively, he caught one of her hands and swooped in to catch the rest of her. Gently setting her down, he brushed the hair off of her face, but her eyes still remained closed. He lowered himself beside her and for whatever reason, he didn't let go of her hand and he no longer felt like wandering.

 _I'm glad I found you_

She squeezed his hand softly before hopping down from the pod, and heading straight for her sketchbook. The pages filled with darkness, shadows, and pain, sealed away everything he had become. She wanted to replace everything with bright colours, warmth and care. Happiness would fill the pages, something he'd never known. Working harder and faster than before, she created memories that would make him smile.

[...]

Time flew as she drew from the heart. Immersed in the pages, she enjoyed every moment she created and spent drawing. By the time she stopped, she figured there was almost as many treasurable memories as one cheerful boy she knew. Thinking this would be plenty enough for a new start, she smiled as she closed the book, almost skipping her way to the pod. Excitement poured over her as it began to bloom.

Fast asleep, but stirring at the feel of light and the flow of air, he woke up gently. He looked around curiously before spotting her. Instantly, he smiled, and his eyes softened. He look at her so warm and _familiar,_ she froze.

That look and those eyes, she had seen them before, but never once from Vanitas. He was no longer the boy she had promised to help and in his place was her own creation. In wanting to give him a new start, she had given him a new life, where all that he knew and all that he felt was a lie - false memories drawn up by her vey own hands. Flashes of her past mistakes replayed in her mind as the guilt returned to haunt her. Looking sadly upon the boy, a light gleamed and the sound of glass chimed.

Distracted, but more focused on the girl, he made way in her direction, only to find he could go no further. Concern swept across his face as he realized a barrier was placed on the pod. He reached for the girl to the extent that he could, pressing his hand against the invisible confinement.

Namine walked over tentatively, weighed down by her guilt and regret. She lay her hand where he reached for her, wanting to say so much, but knowing it would only make things more difficult.

"I'm..." she struggled to find words. "I'm _sorry_ …" she let out under her breath. "This is not what you want. _Please_ , trust me."

At the turn of her shoulder, the petals began to close in on the boy, striking fear and panic in the boy. He stepped back feeling so afraid, but moments before the close he looked ready to run straight through the barrier. He fixed his eyes on the girl, she had just picked up a sketchbook. That was the last thing he saw.

[...]

With tears welling up in her eyes, her grip tightened on her sketchbook. Her hands shook uncontrollably, grappling with the temptation of tearing out the pages, throwing it across the room, and stomping on it until it could no loner be used. She screamed out of frustration and defeat, then tiredly let it fall to her feet. Feeling the urge to cry, her hands rushed to cover her eyes, not wanting to allow it. Not after everything she'd done. She had no right to feel bad, to feel anything. She was useless, she thought, she might as well not exist.

Seeing the book again, she kicked it hard. It flew towards the pod, giving it a good knock before it hit the ground.

Alarmed, she ran over to the pod, worried about the shock it might have delivered. She ran her hands over the pod, examining where it struck. Relieved to see no damage, she breathed after everything looked fine. Then she realized where she was standing, the hand that was just there, and the look of fear that was on his face.. It was all her fault.

"I'm _sorry_..." she let out, knowing it wouldn't fix things and wondering how she ever could.

Feeling hopeless, she _pleaded_.

"What do I do?" She looked up as though she could see right through the petals.

"How do I help you?" She kept her eyes on the pod, waiting, as if expecting to hear an answer. A frown grew as time passed and eventually she grew too tired to keep up her stare. Closing her eyes, she leaned forward and rested her head softly against the pod.

"I can't change you..." Trying twice taught her invaluable lessons, and she swore to herself, "I won't do that again."

Feeling like she was missing something, she sighed before opening her eyes.

 _The sketchbook._

Had it been there all along? Worn out and wanting to get a better look at the page, she slumped to the ground. Leaning her back against the pod, she picked the book up and placed it in her lap. It lay open to one of the pages she drew when they very first started.

 _Loneliness_ _._

She had drawn it well because she was all too familiar with it. Looking around the room, she spotted her chair and remembered how lonely she'd felt sitting there. Turning her gaze back to the page, where Vanitas was drawn sitting similar to how she sat now, slumped over and lost, she figured they were a lot alike.

 _"I was alone for so long. I couldn't bear it anymore..."_ She repeated the words she once said to a boy. "He-" She paused and thought of the many people who cared for her. " _My fr_ _iends..._ My friends changed that."

[...]

Back at it again, she got to work on the sketchbook, but this time it wouldn't take very long. Every brightly coloured page was erased, and everything she had drawn to seal away, she was giving them back now. Time passed and she looked at her sketchbook for the last time before putting it down. Approaching the pod, she placed her hand where she had done so before, asking again for forgiveness.

Once it opened, she barely had to wait until he woke. His eyes instantly locked onto hers, smiling upon seeing her again, but the difference in his eyes was stark. There was vigor. There was madness.

Before she could mutter a word, he slammed her against the wall, exerting the strength he'd recovered.

"What did you _do_?!"

"I- " She choked. Her mind raced thinking of everything that happened, but once she realized it worked, she had never felt so grateful.

He studied her face before slowly chuckling to himself. "Oh, I remember now..." The brief calm lead to a revolt. "I _used_ you!" he exclaimed, as he threw her to the ground.

His words hurt more than his actions. He laughed like a maniac as he stepped towards her.

"You actually believed you could _fix me_?!"

The laughing stopped as she felt his knee between her thighs, and the heat of his breath in her ear.

" _No one can fix me._ "

His arms wrapped around her neck as she caught a glimpse of him desperately trying to squeeze the life out of her. Despite what she saw, she could only feel sorry for him. Through the struggle, she made an effort to reach for him.

Suddenly, there was a loud **bang**.

[...]

The door behind them slammed open as Riku charged into the room. Vanitas, quick to to react to the intruder, dropped the girl and bolted towards him, while Riku moved in prepared to fight.

Namine picked herself off the floor, making haste towards the two boys. Riku, taking notice of Namine, turned his head in her direction just as Vanitas was about to strike. A dark grin spread across Vanitas' face thinking he had already won, but Riku had been preparing since the day he left her alone with _him_. In a fix, he unleashed a powerful magic he'd been saving for this unwanted occasion.

The blast sent the two boys flying. Riku made for a quick recovery, although having just used such powerful magic had taken affect on him. He looked just as exhausted as her, but he was determined to finish what he never wanted to have started.

 _Forgiveness._ He didn't deserve that. He already ruined his chance.

"No one can save you now."

"Stop!" she shouted with every bit of strength she had left. Memories began to flood her mind as she felt herself losing control. Overwhelmed and unable to cope, she collapsed.

At the same time, the boys felt a painstaking inundating jolt. Shouting and pressing their palms to their temples, they buckled under the pain, losing consciousness.

[...]

It was quiet upon opening her eyes, when a sharp tug at her dress had startled her. Vanitas pulled her up, shaking her, vexed at the stunt she pulled.

"What the _fuck_ did you do?!"

"I…" She had to think back to before she fainted. "I wanted to save you."

His eyes widened as he gripped her harder. He could never make any sense of her! It bothered him beyond control, and in a fury he threw her across the room.

She writhed, trying to prop herself up, then noticed him lying a few feet away from her. "Riku..."

This was the last thing she wanted to happen. She crawled over and held his hand while brushing the sides of his face. Before she could say anything, she was hurriedly yanked to her feet.

"We need to go."

"No- Wait. What do you mean _'we' ?"_

"We need to go, _now_."

"What are you talking about? _Why?!_ "

"This wasn't supposed to happen."

"What? What does that even mean?!"

"Maybe I can't- _be trusted_..."

Their eyes shifted to the lifeless body on the ground. Beyond the doors they could hear distant yelling in growing numbers, "This way! There must be trouble!"

Vanitas, having his powers restored, summoned a dark corridor for his escape.

Namine looked at Vanitas as she processed everything that had happened. She looked once more at her friend who only wanted to protect her, and then looked to the doors where more had been counting on her. All of them, she let all of them down.

They will _never_ trust me again.

Namine grabbed his hand before he could make his getaway. "Vanitas! Please! You have to take me with you!"

He squeezed hers back lightly at first, then tightened his grip so much she felt like her bones might break.

"You really enjoy being used, don't you Namine?"

Hearing the words struck a chord again, but the footsteps were getting louder and that was all she could think about.

The doors blew open, but his fist met her stomach before she could even react. Vanitas liked to think this would make things easier. As Namine winced, doubled over, he swiftly threw her over his shoulder and the two escaped through the dark corridor.

Running through the darkness, knowing very well that she wouldn't know,

Vanitas actually _smiled_.

* * *

26 August 2016

Wow! Thank you so much for reading my fic. If you enjoyed reading it, please let me know so I can send you my love!

I love you guys.

Seriously :)

x3eloved


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